Do i have ADD?

In previous post, I was talking about several different things. There is a reason why I brought up all those things.


Since August this year, I bought a really good headphone. I mean, the best so far. BOSE QC15. It's best in terms of its noise cancelling and the sound is really clear. I can say that I've been stuck with it for almost everyday since that. Literally everyday. In this 1 month time, the headphone is on my head for almost 10 hours per day. I am not kidding.


Why am I using it all the time? For studying... Now, this is when everything starts to click. I love studying by watching and listening. But with a condition that the videos are not boring. Well, that goes to everyone. In my case, I cannot watch academic video with a normal pace. Meaning it's quite impossible for me to watch a 1 hour lecture on anything if the person is speaking in a normal speed. So, every time I watched any video, be it medicine, arabic, or programming, I will increase the speed of the video to almost double the speed. Now, this is when I need my BOSE, because I really need to hear it well.


That's why I can almost finish my arabic course with brother nouman ali in less than a week. When it's fast, my attention is there. And the momentum is there. I love it, it's like letting my brain being engulfed with all these things that I have always wanted to learn. Like I said, I always wanted to relearn my arabic. I already have all the sources since 3 years ago. But the source that I had at that time was really extensive and boring. A year ago, I found the course made by brother nouman ali. It's really interesting, I love the way he teaches. However, I could not fully commit to it. For some reasons, after finishing 3 to 5 lectures, I procrastinated. After knowing that my attention is better with a high speed videos, I tried it a week ago. And now, I have few more lectures before finishing it all. I feel like frying my brain by memorizing all the 8 families of sarf. I do the same things with other videos. Medical and programming things. If it involves learning, I will increase the speed. If it's a movie, I will watch it in a normal speed.


I was also learning chinese. In March. But I stop the urge to continue now because there's too much things going on. I have the ability to learn few things at the same time and not finishing it. Eventually not achieving anything. I'm being careful now, so that it won't affect my medical study.


Now, I don't like to self diagnose myself as ADD. It does not feel so manly to say that I am incapable to learn stuff from class because I have ADD. Flashing back my memories from 1st to 3rd year in medical school. Horror. I literally learnt nothing from the classes. Cried few days before exams. Yeah, so manly.


Problem now is, I don't have my lectures in videos. Even if I record the audio, the sound is not that clear. I still find lectures not helping. So, now, I'm converting my book to mp3. Hopefully, my attention is still good enough with mp3. Competing with the Irish, creme de la creme, always make me feel so stupid.


This video made my day. A doctor diagnosed with ADD. Well, I'm still self diagnosed.






Ilalliqa' salam alaikum >>> I have read my goals for today

Of medikal, arab, exercise dan programming.

Bulan 12 datang lagi, Akhirnya tahun ni tiada exam besar musim winter. Sekarang tengah dalam rotation psychiatry, akan disambung semula selepas cuti winter.


Setiap tahun aku bercakap pasal halatuju, gol, objektif yang nak dicapai. Antara gol tersebut ada yang tercapai dan tidak kurang banyak yang tak dicapai.


Sekarang aku di tahun keempat perubatan, lambat setahun berbanding kebiasaan. Dah dapat rentak untuk melarutkan diri dengan medik. Jumpa patients. Aku suka jumpa strangers dan berbual2 pendek. A nice thing to do.


Dulu aku pernah ceritakan mengenai stronglifts, antara kaedah exercise yang boleh tahan berkesan. Tapi dek kerana exam, selalunya aku x dapat ikut secara konsisten. Alhamdulillah tahun ni ada masa, boleh sambung balik, tapi guna kaedah yang lebih bersesuaian dengan kehidupan medik yang sibuk.


Antara gol aku yang senantiasa tertangguh semenjak 4-5 tahun lepas adalah untuk ulangkaji bahasa Arab. Alhamdulillah, kali ni berkesempatan untuk ulangkaji balik semua dengan brother nouman ali. Malah ada benda yang tak pernah belajar waktu sekolah dulu, baru sekarang tahu. Aku dapati belajar grammar arab berdasarkan grammar english adalah jauh lebih mudah difahami berbanding belajar dalam bahasa melayu. Ada satu projek yang bermain di kepala aku mengenai bahasa Arab, dan moga2 dapat laksanaknnya sebelum masuk tahun akhir.


Programming. Satu subjek yang juga aku tengah cuba pelajari. Dengan video lectures free dari stanford youtube. Aku harap dapat belajar Java dan any other languages, seterusnya dapat buat apps. Ada beberapa apps yang nak guna, tapi belum orang buat. Tak tahulah bila baru aku ada skills programming tapi harapnya sebelum habis medik.


Ada banyak benda yang bermain dalam kepala. Aku risau aku bipolar. Kadang2 high dan kadang2 low mood. Tapi high@elation aku tidak sebanding dengan ciri2 orang bipolar, jadi aku rule out kemungkinan untuk aku ada bipolar. Mungkin cyclothymia. Hmm. Kalau aku ada bipolar pun, harapnya 90% manic dan 10% low which is unlikely. Aku suka dalam keadaan manic macam ni, banyak benda dapat buat.


Ok, masa untuk tido. Supaya aku tak penuhi salah satu ciri mania.


See, rationalisation.


Flight of ideas.


Ooookay

Really need to go to sleep






Ilalliqa' salam alaikum >>> I have read my goals for today